one of those days....

wow, have you ever just struggled through a day and realized you are one tough banana? and that people should be impressed with who you are, what you can do, and the difficult things you go through/put up with/tolerate? today was one of those days for me. i realize that working in the nursing field i'm going to see a lot of complicated and ugly things. there is life and death every day. and i understand that every day is not going to be fun and easy. when you take care of people you see them in their most vulnerable state. you know more about them then they do sometimes. and i guess that's a blessing in some ways, to be trusted completely. but sometimes that is just a lot to take on. after what i saw today, i realized that no matter what i do, i'm human. it's amazing what God can show you in a day to really humble you.... 

i realize i'm kind of rambling a lot and i think it's because i'm still trying to work a lot of this out in my head. basically, today i was not at all excited about going to work, especially when i was told i would have to be a "sitter" for a difficult patient who had a severe altered mental status, sepsis, and was HIV+. i've seen and done a lot of things in my short five years as an aide but i've never taken care of anyone with HIV. honestly, i was a little bit scared. i understand because of what i've learned, that it is only passed through blood and other bodily fluids, so the risk of transmission is super low, but it's such a scary thing i was afraid. anyway, while he was being dialyzed, he became more and more aggitated to the point he was a danger to himself. honestly, i was afraid that he was going to crash and i was a little bit nervous. anyway, as i was sitting there trying to calm him down, i realized that if he were to die from sepsis, that would be an easier death for him. i would never wish death due to HIV/AIDS on anyone. anyone. ever. after thinking that, i also thought to myself "who am i?" i am such an awful person. i was trying not to judge this man or his life. i don't even know him or what has happened to him. and then when i came home i immediately took a scalding hot shower. in my head "it" was on me. i know, it's such a childish thought pattern. and honestly, i don't know how to get it out of my head. i'm hoping i'm just "normal" and having a reaction like the people i work with.... i don't know. i guess just something you have to experience and work through.... 

on a lighter note, the other night at work i got to experience one of the most spiritual things of my life. so far, most of the people i've told about this just kind of think it's "cute" of me... which makes me feel silly. i got to see an ultrasound of a 14 week old pregnancy. i've never seen an ultrasound in real life and it was just incredible. it is unbelievable to me that something so tiny can make you realize how huge God is. just seeing that itty bitty baby swimming around inside this woman's body.... WOW! i guess i really am kind of naive but wow. that is all i can say. anyone else understand what i mean???

happy september!

i'm getting married in 24 days!!!!! :)

what a week!

wow! i can't believe how quickly this week has flown by!

i started school and i am loving every minute of it! :) i am taking biomedical core and chemistry. so far they're both going really well. we're also getting close to the wedding! thank goodness. i am ready for it to be her and done. i know that sounds terrible. honestly, after waiting for this moment for nine months i am just ready to be done. i wish i hadn't had such a long engagement.... but that doesn't matter now :) we just gotta get things done! :) i am realizing how many more little detail things i need to do and i'm hoping i don't go insane! tj's family and my family are meeting up on saturday to discuss all the little details and get things done... so hopefully i'll know better where we are by then....

yesterday katie came over and did my hair. then, steph, la dawn, and i went and took a bunch of pictures of me in my wedding dress. they turned out so pretty! i'm really excited about them! it's funny because i didn't even think i wanted to do bridals. i'm so glad steph pushed me a little to get them done! honestly, i wasn't even sure we were going to be able to do them because it was pouring down rain all morning! gotta love utah weather! 

anyway, last saturday, we went to the mall and got a bunch of stuff for tj.... he is so excited for football this year. he says he's even more excited this year than he's been any other year. he got a license plate frame, a freezer beer mug, and a new hat. then, after we got back, he ordered a new hoodie and a shirt for me to wear when we go to his parents' house to watch games. he also wants to go to a game at some point, which would be ok... at least then i wouldn't feel so silly wearing all this packers' gear :)

bogey is getting SO huge! it's unbelievable! he has been sleeping a ton, so i'm sure he's growing even more! he has been sleeping in the funniest positions lately too and i just love him so much!

8.21.10

so on saturday, we had such a good time! first, we went to my parents' house to celebrate my dad's birthday. we had fun eating BLTs and then delicious pineapple upside down cake mmmm :) we left Bogey at their house for the afternoon so that we could go shooting. we went up to this shooting range in ogden canyon. i loved it because it had little benches with tables for each shooter it was nice to  be able to rest stuff on there. made it easier to keep the guns steady because i'm not very good at that yet. anyway, we all took turns shooting at this metal bunny.

here i am shooting tj's baby. seriously, this thing is crazy! he has done so many alterations and upgrades to it. i am pretty sure it weighs about 80 pounds. it is an AR-15 and i think it's my new favorite gun to shoot. i am sad because i don't even enjoy shooting my little .380 :( it's just too hard to shoot because it's so small and has so much kick because of it's size. but i guess if it came down to needing it, it would get the job done. i still want to get my concealed carry permit. but i probably won't for a while longer.... anyway, after we got done shooting, we went over to eric's house {aka: uncle buck} and we grilled up some burgers and brats and started a campfire. it was such a blast! jill, megan, and i had so much fun taking shots and being silly :) i love hanging out with those girls! :)

bogey is getting SO big! i can't believe it! he's doubled his size in a month and he gained a whole pound in four days! he is such a little character and i feel so blessed to have him! i can't even imagine not having him! he loves to chase tj's laser on the floor and it's so cute because he can't quite figure out what it is and why he can't catch it! he had so much fun yesterday hanging out with lucy [my parents' boxer] they just play for hours and hours on end! bogey boy is still recovering today. i can't believe how sleepy he is!

our wedding website :)

ok all :) i just wanted to share with everyone our wedding website. honestly, there isn't as much on it as i would like... but that really is at the bottom of the "wedding checklist" :) anyway, if you're interested in checking it out, it's here, for everyone to see! we would love for you to sign our guestbook! let us know you love us ;)

thank you to everyone for your incredible support! we are so so so so blessed to have so many people backing us up! we know we always have friends and family to turn to and that is an incredible blessing we thank God for every day! :)

meet bogey

here is our newest addition! his name is Bogey :) we got him on June 15 :) he was only 6 weeks old at the time and weighed 6.3 pounds. he is the cutest little beagle ever! when we first got him, he slept so much and was always wanting to cuddle with one of us while he slept. he's so funny now he never wants to be touching anyone while he's sleeping. and now he sleeps on his back with his front paws bent over his little chest and his bottom legs spread all out. it's very funny but also kind of inappropriate. i guess we have a naughty lil pup. ;) i took him to the vet three days ago and he's doubled his weight! i can't believe how huge he is now! he can even jump on the couch now so there is no escaping him! :) his favorite thing to do right now is chew (obviously) and he loves his rawhide. thank goodness otherwise it would be the furniture! he is starting to figure out his howl and it's sooo so cute! unfortunately, he discovered his bark right away so we are constantly struggling to keep him from barking. anyway, i just wanted everyone to meet the cutest, funniest, biggest character of a puppy that ever lived!

wedding craft!

here is a craft i made last night for the wedding. :) i LOOOOVE it! i think it's something we can keep for a long time in our home :) i made it with a scrap piece of wood i found at my parents' house and then i used a wood burner to carve into the wood. i'm really excited because i think we can put it on the dessert table and it totally goes with the theme of our wedding: country/rustic :) i'm also thinking of making more with the names of the games that we're going to have at the reception as well as one that will say "ridl/verhoeven wedding" or something along those lines so people will know where the wedding is :)

also, i went to pick up my dress on wednesday, and when i was trying it on with the jacket, the stupid woman ripped the back lol... so i'll be picking it up next wednesday. :) no biggie :) cathy and i are going to make the invitations this weekend and so we need to get the pics printed and all that goodness :) i'm excited things are coming together really well :)