kind of personal...

I have gotten all sorts of {surprising} comments when I say I make all of Barrett's baby food. Some negative in the form of a backhanded compliment, but really most people are so kind and supportive. I feel like some people can't believe that I would put forth "all the hard work and effort" [although if you really know me or have done it yourself you know that's not the reality] to make his food. Let me tell you why.

I feel like I failed him.

Before my sweet, amazing baby boy was born, I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I was going to breastfeed him. It's natural, it's best for baby, and good for me as well. No questions. I had read up about breastfeeding, had mostly supportive family and friends (among the ones who would talk about it), and "knew" it was natural and would happen for us.

I was wrong.

When he came, I was so happy and thought we had it all down pat. I didn't need the lactation consultant's help. The nurses told me he and I were doing fine. When we got home, we did great for a few weeks. One of my close friends was with me and encouraged me constantly. I thought we were doing great. At about the four week mark, things went downhill.... He would scream and cry. I didn't know why. I assumed he wasn't getting enough. I don't even know now. {I suspect a growth spurt.} So we started supplementing. I continued pumping and bottlefeeding him that way because I thought maybe he was a lazy eater. Even now, I'm not sure. I wish I could go back and just keep nursing him. I think we could have made it. Maybe not though.....

I'm just opening up to tell you why I make his food. Just like breastfeeding, I feel like it's the absolute healthiest thing for Barrett. And I can keep doing it. I can choose to make him the most nourishing foods to eat. I can be a positive food influence in his life. I hope that I am. I think that I am.... That's why I make his food.... :)


Smiles said...

Aww...you didn't fail him! You are an incredible mommy and I look up to you so much! I think it is amazing that you take the time to make his food and he is so blessed to have you to take care of him. Don't beat yourself up over something you have no control over. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. We don't have control over these things!

missv said...

I think it helped to just get it out there you know? Thanks Sarah :) I'm so excited for you to have your little bundle! :)

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